This blog is personal. It is a journey through my life as I pursue my dream of photography. Today is personal.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am the worst liar ever- you can tell I've lied as soon as the words come out of my mouth based solely by the expression written on my face. I cry...a lot. I cry during movies, tv shows, even commercials. I cry when someone else is going through something. I cry when I'm mad. I hate that the most. I cry when I become overwhelmed. I cry when I can't think clearly and my emotions are so foggy I have no idea which way is right and which is left.
Today I cried.
If I'm really honest, I miss God. I have been so busy that since the start of 2010 I haven't spent any time with Him, in His presence. I have made a mess of things and now I have no idea where to go...except back into the arms of God. So this morning I sat down with my Bible and tried to pray, tried to read, and almost immediately my mind would wander off as I thought of everything I still need to do...the decisions I have to make this weekend, what to do with this business, how to do it, when to do it, where will I make money, I need to clean the kitchen, I have no clean clothes, wait, I am suppose to be praying, Hi God, please help me, I need you, I love you, I pray for those in Haiti, wow what a tragedy, oh I need to make a return, I have to mail this package, I need to post pictures, wait I'm praying- okay God I'm back...this is too distracting, maybe I should read some of the Bible...............
In an effort to continue to distract myself further, I called a dear friend of mine. We spoke for close to an hour. I poured my heart out. All of my frustrations, questions, desires, goals...all.of.it. I just let it out. And she listened. She listened as I discussed a step of faith I need to make in pursuit of photography, my frustrations in starting a business, the still small voice I can't hear in the midst of so much noise in my life, and the simplicity of knowing God.
And before I knew it, I began to feel peace. I began to long for time with God. I was anxious to get off the phone and pursue Him. To build my faith on His word. Faith that I am in God's hands, He will lead me...if I let Him, He will take care of me, and most of all He loves me. Despite myself.
love you Kelly! your words are beautiful , and your feelings written out sound so similar to my own. Honesty is hard (especially when it's out in the open for the world to see) but it is also SOOOO powerful...for you because it frees you, and for others because it lets them feel that they're not alone. Thanks for helping me to feel like I'm not alone. I appreciate your friendship so much, and I look forward to more time together this week. :)
ReplyDeleteHey girl...I just wanted to tell you that I love you and you are da bomb diggity!!!! God has amazing this in store for you and is going to blow you mind away!!!! I LOVE YOU ROOMIE!!!!:)
ReplyDeleteHey Kelly,
ReplyDeleteAbout once a month I catch up with your blog, and this month was especially great. I've been feeling the same way lately and it was so heart-warming to see those words. I aspire to do the same as you... to pursue a passion in a harsh business world, and at the same time keep a balance with honesty and God's love. Thank you so much for this entry, it means more than you could possibly ever know.